I have always been one that refused to settle, until I met my amazing husband. What I mean by settle, is not to fall captive to mediocrity or lack of spontaneity. I’m referring to the widely accepted natural progression of getting married, purchasing a home, having children and growing old together (for those who choose this route). The expected way to live out one’s life. It is beautiful!
I fought the notion of settling down for many years of my life. I was very happy and comfortable as a single person. I loved my own space. I loved the quiet and independence. I enjoyed my own company. But when the time came to settle I was by no chance, more than ready and excited.
Looking back now, I can honestly say we are comfortable, we have a beautiful home, we run, we eat mostly healthy and really do love life. I guess we’re ok with conquering our mountain, entrenching ourselves into the path we know so well, spiraling upwards towards the peak of our existence.
Sometimes though, I find myself going around in circles, facing the same challenges and still on the same contour path. Only more deeply entrenched as the path wears down, finding it more and more difficult to see what’s up ahead. I find myself facing the same hurdles wondering what on earth do I still need to learn and why? Of course this continues until I have it figured out. But sometimes that mountain, that same used path brings me a sense of familiarity, one that brings a comfort and surity of what lies ahead. Almost an arrogance of knowing I can make it. I have to hang my head in shame.
But surely there must be more? I find myself staring at other mountains, wanting to conquer those instead of mine. Envying those that have been given that opportunity. I find myself wrestling that unsettled companion, leaving much discomfort and uncertainty that is unfamiliar to my soul. And I have to accept that that’s not my path, nor my husbands.
Our pastor recently spoke about life sometimes being cyclical or sometimes being linear, just like women are cyclical and men are linear. Often we go through cycles in life, like that good ole mountain path we can almost walk with our eyes closed, round and round and round. But what happens when our lives need to take a more linear approach? How do we get from point A to point B? How do we take a direct approach, straight up to the peak?
Maybe it’s time to stop the cyclical, the comfortable and the familiar, and move with directed purpose even if just for a period of time?
The world is indeed a nasty and scary place. I mean the news is horrific, everyday. I guess our conversations should be more about things of the future. Where do we want to be? How do we get there? What targets do we need to put in place? What is our purpose as a married couple and as individuals contributing to this one marriage? How do we change the world with what we have? And all of this for the better of the other.
Maybe what I’m asking is how much are we willing to sacrifice?